Does it ever stop?

I lied. I definitely rather be on a wait list then flat out rejected.

My letter from USC came today. Since freshmen year, I had imagined myself going to USC. I knew letters came out today so right after swim practice, I rushed home, picked up the mail, and began to feel doubtful when I looked at the small envelope from USC. I was hoping for a big, fancy package. I held my tiny envelope up to the sun, I was too nervous to open it. The sunlight revealed a paper titled "Frequently Asked Questions."

 At that point, I knew I was either rejected or wait listed. I ripped open the envelope and read the contents. I was rejected.

 I felt like I had let down my family. I regretted so many things. Maybe if I took my SATs a little more serious I would have been accepted  or if I actually studied for my Calculus exam.

This was really an awful feeling.

Mondays suck.

Today, I heard back from three small, private schools: Pomona College, Sripps College (an all women-college), and Claremont Mckenna College. These schools are a part of the "5 C's" in Claremont.

Sean, my brother, actually ended up at one of the 5 C's. He is currently in his junior year at Harvey Mudd College. In my eyes, HMC is the best college out of these five, especially for my brother's major: Engineering. On top of that, over summer, Sean will be working in Seattle for Microsoft on a paid internship. It's safe to say that Sean is a god in my parents' eyes and I will never live up to their expectations.

 So when I opened my letters from Pomona, Scripps, and CMC, I began to tear up and these weren't tears of joy. I was wait listed to all three. I was now wait listed to a total of four colleges: UCLA, Pomona, Sripps, and CMC. This was just getting ridiculous.

 In some ways, I think it would be better to get flat out rejected so then I wouldn't be waiting on pins and needles for another month.

Colleges are basically saying, I'm good but just not good enough. I can only hope that Friday will hold better news for me when USC sends out their letters.

Wait, what?

I didn't immediately sign onto UCLA's portal at 5 pm.

Instead, I decided to do a bit of cleaning around the house and prepared for Sean's birthday bash, that's tomorrow. While cleaning, I tried to keep my mind off the growing anxiety in my stomach. Around 5:40, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to see if I got accepted or not. I nervously typed in my nine digit application code and birth date.  Finally, I took a deep breath and pressed enter.

The letter started off with, "We are sorry to inform you.." At that point I wanted to stop reading and throw my phone across the room but I continued reading, "..but you have been placed on the UCLA wait list." Wait list? What does that even mean? The frequently asked questions really weren't much help to me. Being on the wait list didn't sound awful but I'd much rather be officially accepted. Ugh.

 I called my brother to tell him the news but his words of wisdom didn't ease my panic. I guess I'll just have to wait and hope that I'll get accepted into USC next Friday.

Will I be an UCLA alumna?

My stomach is in a knot. I've been nervous all day. Why you ask? College.

Today is the day acceptances (and denials) get sent out for UCLA. I was glad to hear that the letters don't get sent via email until 5 pm. This means that I won't have to deal with people at school bragging that they got in. UCLA isn't really my top choice but I would be kinda bummed if I didn't get accepted.

 My brother, Sean and I have always had a little competition on who's smarter. When Sean was a senior, he didn't get accepted to UCLA but he got into MIT. So getting into LA would give me some bragging rights. Also, my whole family knows that letters get sent out today so tonight they are all going to text me, asking if I got accepted.

So much pressure!

This one letter can determine my path for the next four years of my life. Even if I get denied, I know that I'll be put on a certain plan for a reason and it will eventually be okay.